The Omega Factor
By Trevor Cole

The scene is a corporate boardroom, 8 a.m. Five members of the executive committee sit at an oval table. The first to speak is the CEO, Trey Winters.

Winters: Last night, I had a revelation. I was watching the Discovery channel with my kid. Saw this documentary on wolves. Pack animals, you know - every wolf in the pack has a role to play. Alpha male, beta, whatever - every wolf knows his place. And the pack stays strong.
Pete Crane: Strong pack.
Winters: What?
Crane: Just repeating what you said.
Winters: Okay. So the revelation was this: Each pack has an Omega wolf. Right?
Jay Fulton: Omega wolf.
Winters: That's right. The Omega wolf is the weakest wolf. He's the official scapegoat. All the other wolves in the pack get to pick on him. Torment him. They take out all their frustrations on this wolf. And that keeps the pack healthy. No Omega, everybody starts picking on each other. Pack disintegrates.
Crane: Falls apart.
Winters: You got it. So it hits me. We have an Alpha wolf. That's me. We got some betas.
Fulton: What are betas? What do they do?
Winters: Nursemaids or whatever. That's like Crane here, senior VP.
Fulton: Okay.
Winters: But what we need is an Omega wolf. We need an automatic scapegoat, someone we can blame whenever the situation requires. So I want suggestions. Crane? You start.
Crane: Well how about Fulton? He's a certain kind of idiot.
Winters: Okay, Fulton, what do you think?
Fulton: I wouldn't like that.
Winters: No? Why not? It's not like you have much of a role now. This way you perform a valuable function within the organization. You become indispensable.
Fulton: Still.
Crane: Is this supposed to be a voluntary thing? Why don't we just force him?
Winters: Gotta have buy-in, Crane. Can't just operate by fiat in this modern corporate world. Smarten up.
Howard Samuels: Yeah.
Winters: Right then, Samuels, what about you?
Samuels: You asking if I want to be the scapegoat, or do you want my suggestion?
Winters: Suggestion.
Samuels: What about Rowling? He talks funny.
Winters: How do you mean?
Samuels: He's always using these fancy words.
Winters: Okay, Rowling, what about it?
Douglas Rowling: This is a disgraceful example of fallacious logic. The entire gruesome exercise makes me queasy.
Samuels: See?
Winters: Yeah, it's damn annoying. Rowling, I'm this close to appointing you as our Omega. What do you say to that?
Rowling: Well I'd ... say no thanks.
Winters: That's better. Well, men, it seems we're in a pickle. This Omega wolf thing is a great idea, and nobody wants to do it. Wait! I haven't asked Samuels if he wants it. Samuels?
Samuels: Uh, no.
Winters: Damn. Okay, what now?
Fulton: Does it have to be one man? Could it be something ... bigger?
Winters: How do you mean?
Fulton: Like a company. Say we buy a company, and blame everything on it.
Winters: Whole company could be the Omega? All its workers, its management?
Crane: Even its customers.
Samuels: For years.
Fulton: Exactly.
The members of the executive committee look at each other as outside the morning sun breaks through the clouds and a shaft of purple light falls across the table.
Winters: Colour me aubergine, boys. We've got ourselves a solution!